yesterday 1h walking with nahia + 1 h head down exercises at night
today 1 h legs up in bed and i’ll do the next hour by 10′ 6 hours
it begins to be clear to me that exercise and moving my body brings a lot of groundedness and clarity when my mind is troubled, like it was yesterday. The full moon was affecting me since some days now… strongs ups and downs… one day feeling super super happy the next super super miserable… but yesterday was even stronger because the high was in the morning and the low just after. Doing the movements, mainly playing with the down dog position, and variations of it, put me back at my horse again.
If i think about it, i am a pretty stable person, emotionally, after a rough begginning in this life time were i felt like being alive was a suffering in itself and life had no sense at all to me, i surprisingly gained some kind of strenght: a kind of innocent joy as a starting point for everyday, a base line very happy go lucky (my favorite movie ever and my only tattoo, on my wrist).
im so proud of this path of mine were i get at my 30s and 40s what i didnt enjoy in my younger years, a kind of peaceful feast for life. I trully feel very lucky for that. After all that struggle, deep void and uneasiness, i came to a much more sunny place, my little inner garden of simple delights. It’s of course never perfect and im really touched by other’s people energies and mood swings, but with the Bhagavatam lectures and all this vedic wisdom is getting better and better… more colorful and lavish, full of refreshing scents and cheerful sounds… with the feeling that im never alone there, there is always Hari holding it together… my inner landscape
Feeling alone and isolated is like the constant shadow that always crippled my hability to feel connected to this world… but since i came to embrace the idea of god, the all pervasive presence of god… i am little by little making peace with the most probable fact that i will be by myself for the rest of my days, and that’s ok, even if this longing for “the love of my life” is still very heavy on my heart … now i know, not yet completely feel, that i am never alone, like Vidura said, the all atractive source of all blessings is always around.